For over a year now, there is no other topic so ubiquitous in our lives like the coronavirus. Every news channel, every chat, phone call, and conversation on the street starts and ends with the virus. It is not just attacking our bodies but consuming our entire lives. All decisions are based on its presence while our present is determined by the anxiety of when this will end. The past and future, so it seems like, have ceased to exist - which in spiritual terms is desirable, yet we are far from enlightenment.
Spontaneity is practically gone, and planning is useless. Excitement is rare. Stimulation - physical and psychological - is scarce.
Long gone are the days where I kept telling myself “there is something to learn here”. I remember that in March 2020 I was like “Oh hopefully, this will be over by summer”. Then summer came and I said, “Fall will be easier”. Then came fall, winter, Christmas, new year. And nothing changed. Au contraire, it got worse. The infection numbers rose higher and the uncertainty grew. Jobs were canceled due to budget cuts or safety issues, and my creativity to realize personal work was in stark fluctuation. While during the first lockdown in spring 2020 my work was lighthearted and hopeful, it grew darker and sentimental during the second lockdown in the winter months. In parts, my creativity became nonexistent.
On top of it came the guilt of having these feelings of sadness, rut, anger, and fear, when people were literally dying or getting seriously sick all around the world. “Be grateful” kept going through my head in a loop.
So what to do? To keep up hope, gratitude, and the spirit? To find creativity?
I realized that in order to gain some power back I needed to surrender and accept. Accept the fact that this sucks - wholly and fully, and not fighting it. Accept that life as of right now is not all daisies and roses. And then, most importantly, accept that living with the virus might be our new reality for the foreseeable future, instead of constantly being in limbo and waiting for things to get easier.
I stopped waiting and dwelling. And that gave me ironically a bit of stability.
And no, this conscious acceptance did not come overnight. It was a process. A process I purposefully started and enforced due diligently. I understood that in order to achieve acceptance (and resolution) I needed to strengthen my mental stability and for that, I had to be resolute with daily routines. Every day I take a walk in the park during the day and exercise in the evening. Every day, I sit my butt down and meditate. Every day I am challenging my brain to pick up something new by exercising a new language and trying to read a book. The stimulation I couldn’t get from being out and about and from socializing, I created within myself thanks to old-school remedies.
When I stopped resisting the situation, I took away its power over me. This doesn’t mean, I am happy flappy now. Absolutely not. But it means that I am not sad anymore. I stripped off the heavy thoughts of my mind - one by one. And from here, things are rather looking up. Now, I can find moments of joy despite everything.
I try to constructively reconcile my desires with the current situation. I ask myself the important questions: “How can I live my life the way I want to live it if this is how it’s going to be from now on? What is important to me? How can I travel and work? How can I meet friends and make new connections? How can I create something meaningful within this situation?” etc. And I approach this matter quite seriously, investing time in observing, researching, taking notes, applying for opportunities, and brainstorming.
Slowly but surely my motivation turns up and the engine of my creativity starts warming up again.
Last but not least, a word on GRATITUDE: I believe for some time now that this term became distorted and almost toxic. So I had to have a clear vision of what gratitude means to me. I am healthy and alive. I have a roof over my head, running water, electricity, and food. I am incredibly grateful for my blessings. Yet I came to understand that practicing gratitude and missing so much at the same time are not mutually exclusive. It is ok to grieve the small losses of a lost year. Missing family and friends, missing going out to restaurants, clubs, or concerts, missing traveling and meeting new people, missing touching and hugging each other - these do not make me ungrateful. Practicing gratitude makes sure that we do not drown in our desires, but it does not dissolve them. So it’s ok to have them.
Well, I believe that I did learn a thing or two. Now, how about that.
I hope that each and every one of you has found a healthy way to cope with this unprecedented situation in our lifetime.
Much love & light,
Güzin
Side Note: For meditation, I recommend the app Insight Timer for guided practices and for language exercises the app Duolingo. Both apps are super easy to use, ergo the hesitation to exercise daily reduces significantly.