Here I am now.
Two and a half months into my solo travels in Southeast Asia. And I can not only report that this was one of the best decisions of my life, but also a wonderful journey so far. I saw fascinating temples and beaches, met beautiful and kind locals and fellow travelers, and experienced stunning places. From day one I lost all doubts about my endeavor.
Drawing a little map in your mind, here are the places I’ve seen and experienced so far: Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai, Pai, Krabi, Kho Phi Phi, Kho Samui, Kho Tao, Kho Phagnan, Ayutthaya (all Thailand), Siem Reap, Phnom Phen, Kampot, Koh Rong (all Cambodia) and Canggu (Bali).
*But let's rewind and start at the beginning*
There was no turning back anymore.
I was sitting in my window seat on the plane to Bangkok - my first stop.
The number of accompanying family members or friends? Zero.
Days before takeoff I was a nervous wreck, trying desperately to keep my cool on the outside. What the hell was I thinking? Traveling through foreign countries by myself (tsss, piece of cake, right?) and making new friends along the way...it's like going to a new school and you hope to connect well. I was doubting myself harshly.
Thankfully I know myself that much that I knew anxiety and fear would set in at one point close to departure. To prevent a retreat from my plans, I told everyone about my travel plans, so everyone kept asking me about my upcoming travels and there was no turning back for me anymore. I still didn't have to do it, but there was this good kind of pressure I needed and wanted. I either had the option of not going and staying at the same spot where I was before (not seriously an option!) or to just do it (taking a slice of the Nike motivation cake) and move on. Do something outside my comfort zone, something exciting, adventurous. To shake things up. Can't be that difficult, right?
So there I was. Sitting on the plane to Bangkok. While takeoff I caught myself actually saying out loud "I'm so proud of you, Güzin." And I was really proud of myself. I was about to do something, which is/was so not me. At least I thought so of me.
"I am awake, I am awake, don't worry!"
Bangkok was my first stop. And since then I've been already back three times to this crazy, loud, crowded yet at the same time charming, loving, giving city. It feels like my home base at this point.
NapPark Hostel next to the infamous and notorious Khao San Road was my first destination. Exhausted from a 15h trip, I first took a well-deserved nap in an apparently empty dorm room. After a while, I woke up to some enthusiastic chatting. Noticing that one of the voices was worried that their chatter would wake me up, I immediately got up, mumbling that "I am awake, I am awake, don't worry!" This is how I met my first soon-to-be travel friend Claudine. A Jamaican beauty, a force living in New York. Her inviting, warm, and "lets-do-this" demeanor gave me such confidence at the start of my travels that my initial anxiety disappeared in a heartbeat.
Being a first-timer in Bangkok I checked off some (admittedly) touristic mandatories like the reclining Buddha, the Grand Palace, the Damnoen Saduak Floating Market, right outside of Bangkok, and a biking tour through BK's Chinatown. I’ve never been to Southeast Asia before and the closest I’ve been to Asian culture was living in New York’s Chinatown for six years.
So seeing my first temples and Thai palaces ever, I was mesmerized by how magical their appearances are: Majestically constructed, colorful (yes!), and full of gold ornaments. Places like these get really crowded though, which is pretty annoying, so I recommend going there early in the morning or right before they close, which also blesses you with the pink glow of the sunset.
While the floating market was visually super satisfying, it was a well-orchestrated spiel for tourists. I knew what I signed up for. Booking a tour through a brochure should be a hint enough that this is not super authentic. Yet I met many locals there, ate street food, and cruised on the river with a speed (long-tail) boat, which alone was worth the trip. Whooom! A biking tour through Chinatown by Co Van Kessel was a ride to remember. Being totally in my element (I used to cruise on my bike every day to work in New York), I rode through narrow alleys, saw where and how the locals live, eat, and shop. The tour took us through an old fish market, the colorful flowers market, and to houses of Bangkok's originals. Needless to say that my photographer's and traveler’s heartbeat was at a peak. Shoutout to our tour guides Dow and Poppy. Ladies, you were amazing!
Food wise you cannot do better than eating from the millions of street food stands. From Pad Thais, spring rolls, meat sticks, soups, fruits, ice cream, scorpions, bugs to even a Döner stand (pretty decent!), you'll definitely find something your heart desires. If you want to go someplace nice and sit down, you better check out Ethos, a vegetarian and vegan restaurant. I know, I know what some of you are thinking, but people it has delicious food and yummy cocktails! Get over your prejudices! With its inviting and cozy atmosphere, I had the most interesting and beautiful conversations at Ethos. After being super stoked about her arrival and an ecstatic reunion, I brought my friend Viki here on her first night out in Bangkok and we talked for hours and hours. With my first travel friend Claudine, I exchanged thoughts about God, religion, beliefs, spirituality, travels, family, and oneself and we developed a friendship out of it. Another time I got to know another wonderful human and fellow photographer, Yaron. After traveling with him and the rest of the NapPark crew for a while, dinner at this restaurant opened a door to his personal, beautiful world. We connected in our love for photography and spirituality. From Yaron, I took away to fully trust the process. Whatever will be, will be. Thanks a million, Aaron with a Y!
On one of my multiple visits to Bangkok, I also did a day trip to Ayutthaya, the historical old capital. An architectural masterpiece, to say the least, it is worth every penny to visit!
Worth seeing was also the Maeklong Railway Market, a market located on a train line where, a few times a day, the train runs directly (!) through the market. When the train comes, vendors lower their umbrellas and move their front-row produce further back. We went there for the last train passing at 5:30 pm. Witnessing the efficiency and the system of the whole procedure with a no-biggie attitude, just blew my mind. It was for sure a one-of-a-kind experience!
To reflect, to be, to not talk, to listen to yourself.
I met so many solo travelers that I was never really alone right from the start. Due to the common ground of traveling, you find yourself in conversations immediately. I built some new friendships along the road. I got to know a couple of awesome people. Being beautiful inside out, I learned so much from each one of them.
On top of that, I was blessed to have an amazing old friend from home with me for a couple of weeks. I remember dismissing the hope of her joining me on my travels and then, baam!, she spontaneously planed everything in two weeks and flew over. I couldn't believe my luck. Then we had the most profound experiences, accompanied by some groundbreaking chats. I will always treasure the time I shared with her during this journey. We both learned a lot about ourselves, which was the biggest blessing of our time together.
Despite the people I came across on my way, there were (and currently are) still days I spent with myself. Everyone here has their own journey, goals to realize, and things they want to see, experience. So we part our ways until we find each other again somewhere. But instead of being scared, these solo acts excite me. And I understand now that I need those solitary days. To reflect, to be, to not talk, to listen.
I understand (and practice) more than ever to keep an open mind towards everything and not to worry. Things - good or bad - will happen anyway. If you think good, you'll attract goodness. I witnessed this again and again firsthand on my travels. I learned to say "oh well" if things didn't go as planned and then events took a turn for the better.
Through the people I met (locals and fellow travelers) and the experiences I made on my way, I started to feel again, deeply. I was brutally present, with all its glory and downfalls. It was very interesting and revealing to observe oneself. Just for that, I will always be proud of taking this journey.
Although I planned to wrap up Southeast Asia within 3 months, I still did not see every place I wanted to explore. And I am still “hungry”. So I decided to extend my nomad life here for now. I can't wait to see how I will feel, where I'll be and what I will see and experience in the next couple of weeks.
To everyone who dreams of traveling and does not want to wait for anyone to join, who worries about stepping out and go solo: Try it, if you have the means. Remember that you can always say "ok, I don't like it, I want to go back now". Don't you think for a second that you have to prove yourself to anyone. If you realize this isn’t for you, just turn around and try something different. But if you dreamed of traveling and you just do it, then you will have answered a question, which will no longer linger in the back of your mind.
At one point in my journey, another fellow traveler named Ricco said to me: "You constantly have a smile on your face. Why is that?" And without hesitation, I responded, "because I feel content." And I do. Because I am not just happy, but also feel like the universe is rewarding me for finally making a crucial decision back in New York.
Kop-khun-kha (ขอขอบคุณ), Bangkok! You were the best introduction to the Land of Smiles and gave me more reasons to smile *bows down*
Next: Chiang Mai, Rai, Pai.